Beauty: A photoshoot linkup with an old friend!

I happily stumbled onto Katie Cook's Blog, Hope Engaged, last month and have been excitedly reading about her adventures as a missionary in Nepal. I know Katie from back when I lived in California and my father and I had the privilege of serving in Mexico with the Ryström family.  I know that it is an extreme rarity for me to publish post so close together, but consider it your lucky week! Katie shared her thoughts on beauty and then asked for her readers to join her in a photo-shoot-linkup as a way of reminding each other that our beauty is God's beauty, so I thought I'd join in the fun!

I normally I try to avoid posting pictures of myself on this blog for several reasons (safety and pride being on the top of the list), but I completely agree with Katie in the need to see beauty as God's light shining through us, and not as the meager human definition that it is so commonly refered to.

I currently have the privilege to study the process of human communication and have learned that a good portion of our communication is nonverbal. How one looks, even the things that the person has no control over, has a huge influence. We prefer symmetrical things, especially when it comes to one's face, so human beauty is defined as perfectly spaced, even sized facial features.

 Now, here is where things get tricky. My eyes are different sizes, my ears aren't aligned and I have a dimple but only on one side; my quirks continue down my body as my shoulders are different sizes and so are my feet. So by human definition, I am really quite ugly; however, the only person who has ever called me ugly has been me. It does not make any sense, I hardly make any of the qualifications of what society deems to be beautiful, and yet that is exactly what I have been told and what I am.

It is crazy how society has us running around doing our best to chase after a value that they've assigned to beauty, but to which only God has the true power to define. (1Peter 3:3-4). Remember we are made in the very image of God! The beauty that each of us bears is a hard to understand and even harder to explain to others. One of my friends worded this phenomenon perfectly by saying that 'God made us to be so much more than what society could ever define or comprehend'. 

Bearing the image of heaven should not be narrowed down to what society can see and measure as perfect, thanks Katie for the fun reminder!

Check out Katie's blog and enjoy the other photo-shoots!

Redefinding Modesty: A Girl's Side to the Struggle With Being Modest (Part 2)

I feel that I should apologize, because I'm presenting a problem and not offering a solution. While I strongly believe that thought process behind modesty needs to be addressed, I don't have the resources to create a new way of teaching what modesty is to those under our care. So if you are someone who has the resources to address this problem, please feel free to take my ideas and run with it, they're yours.

In my last post, I told you about my personal struggle with and definition of modesty. It was intended to be a short post in response to the current conversations and arguments over modesty that were quickly circling around the internet and social media. However, in writing that post as well in reading others responses to it, I realized that I need to go a little deeper into my history and how that reasoning was formed.

I don't dress modestly because it is my job to stand between someone else and their weakness, nor do I dress modestly to protect my identity because I have given that job to God, and it is fully protected by Him. See, I dress modestly because I know what distracts me from worshiping God, I know what turns my attention away from Him, and I do my best to dress in a way that helps me better worship Him and hopefully those around me can better worship Him. 

I didn't always think this way however, and it was a rather long journey for me before I reached it. In my house, there were rules about what we could and couldn't wear. My sisters and I were never really rebellious children, but I can't say that none of these guidelines were ever challenged. I particularly remember one rule that my father had against pants with writing or some kind of pattern printed on the butt. This may seem like an easy rule to follow, but this was the biggest battle that I chose to fight. See back in the early 2000s, it was the popular thing in the world of competitive swimming to have shorts or pants with either the word 'swim' or the title of the swim meet printed on the back. I'm embarrassed to say that I won that battle and now those shorts hide in the corner of my closet, never to see the light of day again.

I do not blame my parents for my disappointment in modesty. I don't think that they were wrong to give me 'dress code guidelines' because modesty is a really hard thing to teach. How do you teach someone how to understand their personal relationship with Christ well enough to know what takes away from their ability to serve and worship Him? The guidelines my parents set in place for me, created accountability for me but allowed me to learn and discover what modesty means to me and how I can apply it where I have been placed to represent Christ. Take away these early guidelines, and you probably would have a really lost and confused version of Glorydawn.

I think that it is somewhat ironic that I am writing on modesty, as by the current way of thinking, I am among the least qualified to be presenting new guidelines. As a competitive swimmer, I have worn some of the tightest and thinnest racing suits made - in public no less! This points out one of the biggest flaws in the current way of thinking about modesty, because as we put limitations on what is modest it becomes really easy to judge others. When someone's definition of modesty or relationship with Christ is not the same as yours, you are obviously not going to dress in the same way. For instance, my sisters hate going shopping with me, because we've been placed in different fields of ministry. My youngest sister, M. has amazing talent in performing arts (something I greatly lack). She participates in colorguard, show choir and theater and she dresses like someone who does those things. For awhile I struggled as her older sister and always pointing out that that form of dressing didn't match my standards, but now I realized that those are the people she is a witness to and if she can dress that way and still maintain a healthy relationship with the Lord and not feel as distracted as I would be in those clothes, then she is being perfectly modest (and that I need to learn how to be a better shopping partner).

Clear as mud, right?

What I can narrow it down to is this, God has placed a passion in my heart to be a missionary, and it is one of the best ways I worship and serve Him; how a grow closer to Him and deeper in love with Him. If that means not wearing sleeveless shirts or bandanas (Mexico), wearing tight competition swim suits (the swimming world) or wearing long skirts with tennis shoes (Panama),  even if it means spending 20 minutes to put on skinny jeans or wearing the dreaded mullet dress (if the Lord ever calls me to serve those who are comfortable in those things); if my heart and mind are on the Lord and loving those around me, I am modest, but if I am concentrating too much on the looks I receive or the way others think about my form of dress that is when I need to reevaluate both my heart and my clothing.

Redefinding Modesty: A Girl's Side to the Struggle With Being Modest

Well, I didn't plan on writing this post (in fact I have another post that is nearly finished, waiting to be published) but I've been thinking about modesty lately, and with the controversial blog post making it's way around the social media, I figured now is a good time to share what's on my mind about the topic.

If you're part of the Y (or before) generation like me, chances are that you grew up hearing what has been the basic reason behind the need for women to be modest for a long time - to protect the hearts of men. For a long time I followed the guidelines of dressing modestly as if it were a reward-punishment system, because if I took the time and effort to dress appropriately, I was keeping my brothers in Christ from stumbling, and if I didn't, well, the punishment in my mind was quite scary. As a young teenager I was particularly haunted by Matthew 5:28 "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."  Gross! I wanted no part of that!

Dressing to meet the 'modest code' has never been a huge issue for me (though I do get very exasperated when going shopping as clothes that are short, see-through and an assortment of other descriptions become more and more abundant), however I have constantly struggled with the issue of modesty. I had no desire to dress like my peers, so why was I having so much trouble? After a long time of sorting through this confusing problem of mine, I discovered that I needed to redefine my definition of modesty.

Believing that modesty is dressing in a way that honors the struggles of men is wrong.

It gives the girl too much power. A young girl is taught to see her body as a power tool she can hold over or hide from the males she encounters. This reasoning turns her body, a beautiful gift from God, into an object that has the potential to be used to fulfill human desires - being used in both directions. Young men are being taught that women are not objects, girls need to be told this too.

I believe that the reasoning that is now being taught - dressing modestly to respect your own body- is also incorrect, because it is the exact opposite of what being modest is.

If modesty is the state of being modest, then what is the definition of modest? I pulled my dictionary off the shelve to answer this question and found that modest is being "unassuming or moderate in estimation of one's abilities or achievements". The new movement of 'modest is hottest' or telling a girl to dress and behave modestly simply because she amazing is a huge contradiction to what it is to actually be modest, because to be modest is to behave in such a way that does not point to yourself and just how awesome you are. This was the root of my own personal struggle with modesty. My belief of modesty took away from my ability to worship God as I was constantly looking downward and inward, instead of upward.

We have all heard how girls can distract and/or help guys, but through all of my research on the subject, not much has been taught on how guys redirect the attention of young ladies. Word of advice guys, women struggle with modesty too. Yes, sometimes ladies struggle with the physical presentation of males, but it goes deeper than that. On some days it is a battle to look past the very tips of our noses as our brains are full of bright neon signs screaming at us, calling our attention to what we have fallen short of and have failed to achieve on our own. On top these internal signals, crying for us to devote our focus on ourselves, we must fight the messages that the world shouts at us telling us what an awesome individual we are or could be. This is where I struggle the most, because every time a guy looks me over or is too blunt in his attraction for me, my focus quickly turns inward and away from my Creator.

So what is my new definition of modesty?

Modesty is behaving in a way that does not draw any attention to yourself, and points all attention to God.

This includes not only the attention of those around us, but also our own attention, our mind and heart. No distractions, just us praising our wonderful Savior.

There are no rewards in being modest, no mini self-esteem boost, no protection for just how awesome you are; it is simply a way to worship God.