Loving Panama

Ugh! I have been trying to figure out how to describe how my time in Panama was and I can't. I wish I could just throw out the words, and that they would organize themselves in such a way that you could fully understand how God tested, provided, and blessed me there.

I guess the best way to start is by reviewing the thoughts I had when I was preparing my heart to serve in Panama. When searching for a theme verse for my trip I read chapter 5, verse 2 of every book of the Bible because I calculated that I would be serving Panama for 52 days. Looking back, this way of finding a verse for my trip sounds silly, but the verse I found was perfect-Ephesians 5:2 And live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. 52 Days of love. Love, that truly was the essence of my time in Panama. Love is an extremely important factor to bring onto the mission field. First of all, it is the way outsiders identify us as Jesus's disciples( John 13:35). Secondly, we as missionaries cannot function effectively without loving first.  In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul explains that no matter how many spiritual gifts God gives to a person, if they didn't use them in love, they gain absolutely nothing. Paul then goes on to describe what perfect love looks like:
Patient
Kind
Doesn't envy
Doesn't boast
Is not proud or self-centered
Does not dishonor others 
Is not quick tempered 
Doesn't take any joy in evil but delights in the truth
Always protects
Always trusts
Always hopes
Always perseveres
It's a rather extensive list of qualities that I normally take for granted, but during my two months in Panama God refreshed ;) my ability to love. 

The first thing God did when He taught me how to love the people in Panama, was He asked me to make sacrifices. The most obvious sacrifice was facing my fear of the diseases and large bugs found in the jungle of Panama. Knowing that night time brought out cockroaches the size of dollar bills(and who knows what else) and being covered in red lumps,bumps,spots and patches of bug bites was definitely not my cup of tea. But there were also the little things, such as not shaving for two months and wearing smelly, dark, heat absorbing clothes and then feeling like I was being suffocated in sweat. It was theses sacrifices that took my thoughts and redirected them towards others, for I had nothing to be proud of.

The next lesson God gave me was the harsh reminder that not everyone wants to be loved. While God had made my love humble and selfless through sacrifices, it was by rejection that he fully matured my love in all the other areas needed to make it perfect. My love learned to hope and persevere when the Nationals shut their doors to me and I had to pray and talk my way in. My love developed stronger patience and distaste of evil every time I had to confront and correct those who wandered or broke the rules. And most importantly, my love was taught to fully trust God when I saw little to no results in all of my toils.

Even though learning to truly love was a slow and painful process, it is my deepest desire that God continues to expand my love in knowledge and depth of insight (Philippians 1:9-10).  I poured my heart out all over Panama, and I know that God used that love to do miraculous things!