Sunday, August 26, 2012

Transitions

The definition of transitions is: movement, passage, or change from one position, state, stage, subject, concept,ext. For me transitions means the moving from one battlefield to another. I never thought that I would see more hopelessness than what I saw in Panama as I watched people worship and idolize to powerless blocks of wood; but I was wrong. I now find myself smack in the middle of a group of people who idolize themselves and worship pleasure. Yeah, I know, "Welcome to college Glorydawn! Wake up, this is how it has always been." Sadly, in America, one's college years is accepted as the time to live to the fullest and discover who you are; better interpreted as a time with no restraints. But for me it is different, because this is my new battlefield. 

In Panama I was asked if I act differently at home compared to what I did in ministry there. I could not answer no, for I didn't spend my days walking up to complete strangers and asking if I could go into their homes and talk to them.  It is not unusual to live differently in different places. Sociologist theorize that a person's performance (behavior) is influenced by both their audience and setting, and the person switches from one set of behaviors to another as these two variables change. So what I did in Panama as a Missionary could be completely different from what I do in my home country. But what if I were to get stuck in one mode? What if I chose to see everyday and every person as an opportunity to share God's love? What if I saw my campus as a new battlefield that God specifically sent me to? Well, this is exactly what I aim to do, with God's help of course. 

As a student living on campus, I have many opportunities and open doors that others don't have.  For example, I eat in the student dinning center for almost every meal. I have a slightly crazy schedule this semester and because of this my friends can't eat with me. Now, I could choose to be have a blind eye, and shut down my ministry mode and simply eat alone, quiet with my own thoughts; or I could see this as an opportunity to reach out. Every time I go in to eat by myself, I look for someone who is sitting alone, walk up to them and ask if I could eat with them. Is it easy? No. I am considered to be a shy person, so every time I walk into the dinning center I have to give myself a little pep talk and pray A LOT. Secondly, Americans have developed a kind of language that signals others when they want to be left alone. We do this by hiding behind cellphones or laptops, using ipods, filling the seats next to us with bags or covering all of the table space with our books. (Another sociology thing I learned, man, my professor should give me kudos.) So it is really hard to walk up and ask to talk to someone who is sending out every kind of signal that they think it would be best if they were left alone. Thirdly, if a person does say that I can eat with them, I have to be extremely mentally focused, so if there is any chance (even if it is the tinniest hint of a chance) for me to talk about God and His love, I can grab it and run with it.  

Interestingly enough, I have yet to be rejected. Every person I have asked to eat with has said yes and helped keep the conversation lively. What they haven't done is let me talk about God-but I'm praying for that chance to pop up. 

This is what it is like to throw a wrench in the gears of society; to get stuck in the abnormal. No matter how hard or unconformable it may appear, I have found that functioning within God's will is sooooo much better than outside of it.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Loving Panama

Ugh! I have been trying to figure out how to describe how my time in Panama was and I can't. I wish I could just throw out the words, and that they would organize themselves in such a way that you could fully understand how God tested, provided, and blessed me there.



I guess the best way to start is by reviewing the thoughts I had when I was preparing my heart to serve in Panama. When searching for a theme verse for my trip I read chapter 5, verse 2 of every book of the Bible because I calculated that I would be serving Panama for 52 days. Looking back, this way of finding a verse for my trip sounds silly, but the verse I found was perfect-Ephesians 5:2 And live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. 52 Days of love. Love, that truly was the essence of my time in Panama. Love is an extremely important factor to bring onto the mission field. First of all, it is the way outsiders identify us as Jesus's disciples( John 13:35). Secondly, we as missionaries cannot function effectively without loving first.  In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul explains that no matter how many spiritual gifts God gives to a person, if they didn't use them in love, they gain absolutely nothing. Paul then goes on to describe what perfect love looks like:
Patient
Kind
Doesn't envy
Doesn't boast
Is not proud or self-centered
Does not dishonor others 
Is not quick tempered 
Doesn't take any joy in evil but delights in the truth
Always protects
Always trusts
Always hopes
Always perseveres
It's a rather extensive list of qualities that I normally take for granted, but during my two months in Panama God refreshed ;) my ability to love. 


The first thing God did when He taught me how to love the people in Panama, was He asked me to make sacrifices. The most obvious sacrifice was facing my fear of the diseases and large bugs found in the jungle of Panama. Knowing that night time brought out cockroaches the size of dollar bills(and who knows what else) and being covered in red lumps,bumps,spots and patches of bug bites was definitely not my cup of tea. But there were also the little things, such as not shaving for two months and wearing smelly, dark, heat absorbing clothes and then feeling like I was being suffocated in sweat. It was theses sacrifices that took my thoughts and redirected them towards others, for I had nothing to be proud of.

The next lesson God gave me was the harsh reminder that not everyone wants to be loved. While God had made my love humble and selfless through sacrifices, it was by rejection that he fully matured my love in all the other areas needed to make it perfect. My love learned to hope and persevere when the Nationals shut their doors to me and I had to pray and talk my way in. My love developed stronger patience and distaste of evil every time I had to confront and correct those who wandered or broke the rules. And most importantly, my love was taught to fully trust God when I saw little to no results in all of my toils.

Even though learning to truly love was a slow and painful process, it is my deepest desire that God continues to expand my love in knowledge and depth of insight (Philippians 1:9-10).  I poured my heart out all over Panama, and I know that God used that love to do miraculous things!