Monday, May 21, 2012

Goodbye?

Graduation is finally over! The stress of finals, finding and sending transcripts,and ensuring that every last cost is wrapped up is done. It is now time to pack up and move on. I have never thought of graduation as a time of goodbyes, but now I see that it is.With my graduation from the community college that I have been attending for the last two years, I am forced to leave multiple things; jobs, teachers, friends. The funny thing is that I never really said goodbye to anyone. There were plenty of "We have to keep in touch"es and "I better be hearing from you"es, I even talked about saying goodbye, but I never said it.The truth is, I have never been good at saying goodbye, most of the time I simply disappeared from my acquaintance's life. And now that it is time for me to go, I find saying goodbye to the school a very hard thing to do. I believe what makes it so hard is the amount of impact that everyone from the school has had on my life.

The first day I walked through the doors of the school, I was a broken girl. It had been five months since my dad lost his battle to SNUC (sinunasal unadifferentiated carcinoma) cancer, and all of my dreams and motivation had died with him. I had no desire to take on any challenges, after all, why should I work hard if my life is just going to end like my father's; tired, pained and unable to speak. My plan was to get in and out as quickly as I could, doing no more than what was required, however, I did not factor into my plans the help and encouragement I would receive from the faculty. Despite my self-pity and low self-esteem, my instructors were able to see my potential and coaxed out my best efforts. They encouraged me and pointed out that I possessed the abilities to succeeded in a broad range of subjects as far apart as theater, journalism, and mathematics. The lessons that I have learned from them have forever changed my life.

I am also indebted to my friends, though I am shocked to say that I have friends, they too have changed my life.Going from a city in California with a population of nearly 300,000 to a small Midwestern town was a huge culture shock for me. Everyone knew everyone else and all the things about their past and often their futures. And there I was, coming from a city with an extremely high crime rate, and the people here wanted me to be social. Me, a person who saw letting people know you, as also letting them know your vulnerability. Me, social?  My family has moved quite a bit, in fact the longest I have live in one town was 5 years; so friendships were a come and go thing for me. I knew I was leaving in two years and I didn't go out of my way to make friends, and yet, interactions between the students provided an unavoidable setting for relationships to develop. Students that I was forced to work with soon became my friends, and constantly checked in with me; how did the test go? How late did the homework keep me up? How was I doing? How was my day going? These were questions I never expected, and I often had a difficult time answering them. And then there were the people who talked to me just to talk to me. That extremely puzzled me. Why on earth would anyone go out of their way to be social with an unsocial person? (Granted, I am easily exasperated, and therefore provide plenty of amusement.) These friends came steadily, and the conversations that came out of their visits usually left me critically thinking. Every time I needed to complain or freak out about something, they were always ready to listen. I will greatly miss these people who so kindly took me in.

And now with graduation comes a time of change, because with the completion of anything, one must expect change. This fact was presented to me when one of my instructors told me that because I was no longer their student, I could find them on facebook, so we could keep in touch. I was so taken back by the reminder that I must say goodbye to the life I had been living for the past two years, that I told them that they probably would not want me as a facebook friend ( and I apologize for this strange reaction). But change does not mean the end of everything. Though I must close the door on my life at the community college, I refuse to say goodbye to the relationships I have gained while I was there. No, that door will remain open, always ready to welcome me back.


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